"Mamaw"

Toughness and determination. Normally not two words associated with a ninety year old woman, but no two words sum her up better. She said what she wanted, when she wanted, to whoever she wanted. Some called her blunt, I called her honest. I know it's human nature when you lose someone to go back and think of what you personally could've done differently. It's really difficult when you lose someone tragically vs. expectingly. I'm going to miss that sometimes grouchy, but also very sweet woman telling me how much she hates my haircuts and all of her stories that I can quote verbatim because I heard them so many times. I guess as I sit here and write this, I realize how I always made an excuse to not go see her. It's easy to make excuses for, but sometimes you have to be honest with yourself. Especially the last couple times I went home, I was too busy with my schedule to make time for her. Too busy to stop what I was doing- which wasn't important, to do so much as pop my head in the door and say hey. I was selfish. I gambled and lost. I thought I could put it off until my next visit because she was 90 years old and if she made it this long, she had at least 5 more years. I was wrong. And I could beat myself over it all day, but I'm not. I'm not because as cliche as it may sound, it taught me to not take my time with people for granted. As much as this situation sucks now, I think in 5 years I'll look back on it and laugh. What 90 year old woman still works in her garden? A pretty stubborn one. Mamaw did things her way, she didn't care what you said. If she wanted to go outside and work in the yard you better believe she would do it. Stubbornness is what did her in, as hard as that is to cope with now, I can't see her going out any other way.